Oh, Yentl - #17

So... I was looking at all my old posts and realized that I'd never published this, even though I finished it in June.


Oops.


So here's the original experiment. It may or may not be worth mentioning that I started dating this really great guy the next month. I've mostly given up on the girliness thing since, mostly because I'm on the cusp of one of those self-reinvention periods and jeans and T-shirts are the only thing that feel good right now... but at least I know I can do it if I need to, you know?

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Screen shot of Yentl.

There's this theme in Yentl (which is totally worth a watch, if only because Mandy Patinkin is awesome) that I find myself playing out time and time again: I look at all these gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, soft, nurturing women and go, "Well, who wouldn't want a wife? I do. Women are amazing." Then I realize, "Oh yeah. I've got what they've got. Doh."

Main difference: I'm don't capitalize on my assets.

I mean, I've got a lot going for me, biologically speaking:

1. Long, gorgeous hair. I keep it up in a bun or ponytail most of the time.
2. A body that can pull off almost anything. I wear outdated shirts and jeans I've had since I was 16.
3. Amazing legs. The skin's kind of funny but I still like to sit and admire them sometimes.
4. Gracefulness, or so I infer from all the "you look like a ballerina" comments. I slouch under heavy bookbags and lumpy sweaters.
5. A facade of innocence, which combined with the sexiness, could be powerhouse.
6. Intelligence. This is the one thing I don't ignore/downplay.
7. A certain womanly disposition toward nurturing and being domestic. I'm usually too tired to do this, and don't have anyone on which to conveniently lavish my affections.

Another main liability when it comes to being one of those girls who looks like they've got it all figured out: I get really anxious around people. I'm... not shy, exactly. I just don't like it when people pay attention to me, because I'm never sure what they're thinking and I'm... insecure? Something like that. (Only when I'm around people. On my own and among confirmed friends my confidence levels are securely at above-rooftop levels.)

So this project is an attempt to capture the girliness and... well, shallowness, for lack of a better word... of all those gorgeous girls I see walking around. I probably won't go all the way with that (saving that for another, bigger experiment for when I'm not taking 21 credits), but it'll be a toe in the water.

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Format: One-week experiment

Goal: Do one thing every day to embrace girly side.

Goal met? Yup-yup.

So here's what happened:

June 7: Wore hair down. Took a long lazy bath at one in the morning (when I can stay in as long as I want 'cause roommates are asleep) with bubbles and goat milk soap and stuff. My legs are smooth and I feel very luxurious.

June 8: Nail polish! I'd actually been wearing it since this experiment, and stopped for a few days because I was just too busy. As soon as I stopped, my nails started cracking and I started picking at them and biting them again. Bad habit. Colorful nails tend to remind/motivate me to not pick or nibble, and also remind me to moisturize before bed... So I'm hoping that by next week I'll see some minor difference in my hands. I should mention that the polish looks like crap because I was in a hurry. But hey, effort: made.

No, these aren't my nails. They are pretty cool, though.
Photo by dreamglowpumpkincat210.

June 9: Hair down. I never wear my hair down--largely because some people tend to become absolutely fixated on my hair, which is awkward--but the thing is, when it's down I feel like someone awesome from a Juliet Marillier novel. My hair feels like a cape when it's loose and flowing all over my shoulders, and while it's not exactly fashionable and sometimes is way too much... it's also pretty awesome.

June 10: I put on makeup. By "makeup" I should explain that this means "eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, and a tiny bit of brown eye shadow." This is a very big deal. The inclusion of the eye shadow alone is sort of remarkable. I don't really do makeup... But I look amazing with it on. I can't say that it really affects the way I feel--once it's on I forget about it until I rub my eyes and smear it all over--but every time I looked in the mirror I did an appreciative double-take.

June 11: Today, I frolicked. I didn't do anything remotely "feminine" as such... but I spent the day in the most gorgeous place on earth, which includes my favorite meadow (I have a favorite meadow). That was enough to make me feel all kinds of jubalicious. So... setting is important. So is wearing flowers in your hair and lying around in long grasses for hours and hours. :)

June 12: Hair down again. And walked around barefoot. I forget how important being barefoot is to my overall feeling of womanliness. Heels make me feel distinctly feminine and powerful, but bare feet make me feel magical.

June 13: My nails are black. I bought black polish because it was the color most likely to match stuff out of my options, but I wasn't sure if I'd like wearing it or if I'd just feel like some high school emo-goth. Turns out that I love it... It looks like my fingers are covered in shiny ink! Oh, and yes, my hands are looking much better in terms of moisture/general maintenance. I'm wearing earrings today too, and rings. Starting to get a little extreme here...

June 14: Today, I wore jeans and a badly-fitting university T-shirt. And I felt like a sexy, sexy woman. Go figure.

Conclusions:

I'm more chill with walking like a woman. I'm starting to stand straight when I walk and relax into a slouch when I'm sitting, which is the exact opposite of how things normally go.

Now Audrey did womanly right. Also: cat!
Photo by pwbaker.

I feel so self-absorbed with this experiment, like all the above updates are all, "Look, I'm so hot. Look at me, aren't I pretty? Look how pretty I am?" Gag. But my yang and yin sides have started to point at each other and yammer in my head, and they're kind of enthusiastic about this mutual appreciation society. So yeah. I'm gorgeous. (So are you, dear reader.)

So... I'm gonna call this one a success.

Try this:
If you're like me and are naturally awful at being womanly, imitation is your best friend. Pick one of those girly girls, pinpoint one thing they're doing right, and try it on. (Just one, ya'll. More than that and you'll start to feel insecure and not like yourself. Ease into this one.)

If you aren't like me and are naturally girly and cute... Well, more power to you. Carry on. :)

Coming Soon: Ground and Center. Probably.