Craigslist Dating - #5

Craiglist dating.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I never thought I'd do it. But then I realized two things. 1) I mock it pretty constantly and shouldn't mock what I haven't tried (same reason I read all the Twilight books), and 2) I'd never done it, therefore I should! Not the greatest line of reasoning but whatever.

Format: One-night trial

Goal: Find someone on Craigslist. Go out with them. See what happens.

Goal met? Oh my, yes.

Terms you should know:

Craigslist - Web site featuring classified ads and discussion boards

So here’s what happened:

In the end, the date --- the point of the experiment --- was pretty blah as far as dates go. But the experience and the things I discovered were wonderful and unexpected. There are people I mesh with. There are fun things to do on campus. Laughing really hard for a few hours does wonders for one's sanity. Getting out is worth it. And, as a special present from the cosmos, it was a cool spring night on the way home. Good things happen when you put yourself out there, whether in the context of going to an activity you'd normally stay home from or jumping onstage to act in a scene-building game.

As I think we all know, I'm not a big fan of dating. But I decided to put that aside for this trial. Actually, I didn't really pretend... my ad was pretty up-front that I just wanted to hang out with someone who attends my university and is not interested in sex or actively looking for a relationship (in that order when it comes to Craigslist).

Got an email from a guy who seemed pretty nice. We decided to do a movie, but in the end I had some things come up and was more than willing to let them take center stage. It was that whole feeling of "That seemed like a good idea at the time, but now, crap." I knew this would probably happen, though, so I let myself be a pansy that one week and we arranged to go to a comedy group workshop.

The date: Lukewarm at best. He seemed like a really nice guy, and would probably end up being a cool friend or boyfriend if someone was willing to take the time and effort to excavate his personality and get to know him. He was just kind of quiet and reserved, and I'm more into the loud, theatrical, uber-confident types. I'm not interested in excavations. Nothing against him --- it was a case of no rapport, no patience on my part and the fact that we met on Craigslist, which, as I have long suspected, says something about one's confidence level and/or inability to get a date by, like, picking someone up at the library. (I hear this happens a lot. I've never seen it or had it happen to me, though.) 

The date: Frickin' awesome. I had a blast. I've never done improv comedy, or theater games (despite being something of a theater nerd) or anything like that. It was wicked fun. I sucked, but it was cool anyway 'cause as far as I can tell no one cared. And better than that... there were theater people there!

Theater people are loud, interesting, witty, kinesthetic and awesome. In short, they are exactly my kind of people, and they are exactly the people I was despairing of ever meeting on this campus. They know how to play, make friends instantly and are comfortable in their own skins... which is pretty much the polar opposite of most people here. 

So that was great. I'm going back next week, which will tie into another long-term experiment/project. (I'm beginning to think "experiments" is the wrong word for what I'm doing here... it's more like "experiences.")

What I learned: 

What I learned is something I'd forgotten. You have more fun when you get out there, just for the sake of getting out there. I didn't actually think the group was going to be any good. I didn't know whether it was a performance or a workshop. I didn't know much about it and didn't actually want to go... knowing that I was going to write about it was the only thing that kept me from completely flaking.

Try this:

1. Skip Craigslist. Seriously. The ads on there are pathetic and hilarious for a reason. Meeting through a Wanted Ad is no way to meet... there's no room to build rapport, discover if there's chemistry or even get an inkling if you like the person, and if you build up your hopes, you're going to end up one depressed ducky.

2. Go out and do something. I don't care what. I don't care where. I don't care if other people are involved or if you're alone. I don't care if it's good or lame. Just go do something you've never done. What's something you've been meaning to go to or try for a while? Go do it. This week.

3. Keep doing it. I used to be really good at this. I'd go to a new club or association every week. I met foreign students, aspiring pilots, math majors celebrating Pi Day (dang good party, too), anime nuts, jazz musicians, and a million other awesome people. I stopped for a while for who knows what reason, but I'm starting up again. It's so worth it.

4. Wander out of your comfort zone. I suck at improv comedy. It was fun anyway. I suck at math. Pi Day was a blast anyway. I don't like asking favors of strangers. I asked anyway and got to go under the stage of Macbeth and see how half the tech aspects of the show were run. It's uncomfortable and scary, even in the little things. I know that. But a lot of my coolest memories come from getting out of the comfort zone. 

(Note: this is easier if you have a safe place you can go back to. A loving home, a laptop with Star Trek and nachos, a beloved potted plant... whatever it is, just have something secure and accepting to go back to, otherwise all this getting-out-of-the-comfort-zone can kinda freak you out.)

Final notes:

Morals of the story: 

1) Friends don't let friends date on Craigslist

2) However, Craigslist does host more than sex maniacs, homicidal creeps and bitter gun advocates... sometimes they're just nice, reserved people who aren't the type to Go Out And Meet People

3) Sometimes the silver lining is way bigger than the cloud

4) Improv comedy is fun

5) So is getting out of your comfort zone for a few hours with fun, accepting people

6) Getting out of your apartment once in a while is a beautiful thing... and sometimes you'll even get your homework done anyway

Next challenge: Facebook Fast

Photos by House of Sims and Mild Mannered Photographer