What is your hurt telling you?

I finally gave in. After months of holding off, refusing to get swept up in the pop culture craze, I watched Glee.

Reaction: GLEE GLEE GLEE GLEE GLEE GLEE GLEE GLEE <3 <3 <3!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pilot and subsequent episodes made me cry, hokey as that is. These kinds of shows and movies about teenagers performing against all odds (even kind of awful ones like Step Up and Raise Your Voice) make me hurt everywhere inside in the sweetest way. It's nostalgia for something I never had. I wished from the time I was nine or so that someone would step up, take me by the hand and make me into a singer or an actress or some kind of performer, not because I wanted to be famous or popular --- both highly overrated goals --- but because I didn't (and don't) remember how to play. The best kind of playing has always been the arts for me, but I haven't given myself carte blanche to go full-on for it in over ten years. I'm so burningly jealous of the people onstage whenever I go to see a really good production, because I know how in flow they are and I crave that.

Hurt usually covers up a desire. In this case, all of these drama/dance/band-geek shows always point me in the direction of this big castle in the sky, a performing arts center for underprivileged kids and teenagers. I don't know if it's ever something I'll actually do --- it'll take a lot more life experience, business acumen and awareness of my priorities before I decide if it's a realistic and worthwhile goal --- but the desire is there and my pain and bittersweet reactions are the X that marks the spot.

What makes you hurt? What makes you cry --- particularly ridiculous things? What do you run away from? What do those reactions point to? What desire(s) are those negative or conflicted feelings covering?

Images by rachellynnae and A National Acrobat.